Dr. Dan Singley, director and founder of the Center for Men’s Excellence in San Diego, joined KPBS Midday Edition host Jade Hindman for a special Father’s Day panel alongside new dad Aldrin Lumbreras — a recent graduate of CME’s Expectant Dads course — and Aaron Wess from the Dads Corps program at SAY San Diego. The 46-minute conversation explores what it really takes for fathers to build meaningful connections: with their children, their partners, and each other.
Published: June 12, 2024 |
Source: KPBS Midday Edition |
Format: Podcast |
Duration: 46 minutes
What Dr. Singley covered in this interview
- Fatherhood is broader than biology: Dr. Singley opened by reframing fatherhood to include father figures, mentors, uncles, and coaches — arguing that a more inclusive definition better reflects how boys and men actually develop and receive paternal support in their lives.
- The dude-to-dad transition: Becoming a father is an inflection point that tends to shrink men’s social worlds rather than expand them. Men who already have fewer and more superficial friendships than women tend to turn inward at the onset of parenthood, letting supportive friendships wither precisely when they need them most.
- Why dad-to-dad community is hard to find: Dr. Singley described the awkwardness men face in initiating new friendships — what he called “bro dating” — and connected it directly to rigid aspects of traditional masculinity that frame closeness between men as needy or clingy. The US Surgeon General’s report on loneliness, he noted, identifies middle-aged men as among the most isolated people in the country.
- Masculinities, not masculinity: Dr. Singley uses the plural deliberately to underscore that there is no single monolithic male identity — masculinity is multidimensional, shaped by race, culture, geography, and experience. Fatherhood, he argued, is the tip of the spear in how masculinities are evolving, as society increasingly expects fathers to be present, engaged, and emotionally available — not just providers and protectors.
- What CME’s Expectant Dads course actually teaches: Course graduate Aldrin Lumbreras explained what differentiated CME’s class from free hospital courses: it focused on the emotional dimensions of new fatherhood — how to support a partner, how to navigate the relationship changes that come with a baby, and how to handle challenges that go well beyond diapering and feeding.
- Father hunger: Dr. Singley introduced the concept of “father hunger” — the deep-seated questioning that comes when a man had no father or had a harmful father figure, leading to a belief that he himself is damaged goods and will be a poor father. He pushed back firmly: the absence of a good male model in childhood does not determine the quality of fatherhood a man can offer.
- 1 in 10 dads develops postpartum depression: Dr. Singley highlighted that paternal postpartum depression affects roughly 10% of new fathers, and nearly 20% develop a clinically significant anxiety disorder — figures that are almost entirely absent from standard birth preparation education. He also mentioned International Fathers Mental Health Day, held annually on the Monday after Father’s Day, as a resource and awareness initiative he helped develop.
Interested in CME’s Expectant Dads course?
The Center for Men’s Excellence offers Basic Training for New Dads — a practical, hands-on class designed specifically for expectant fathers, available in-person in San Diego and virtually throughout California. See upcoming dates and register here.
Resources mentioned in this episode
- Postpartum Support International — Dr. Singley facilitates a monthly phone-in support group for new dads through PSI on the first Monday of every month at 5:00 PM Pacific
- SAY San Diego Dads Corps — local San Diego program supporting fathers
About KPBS Midday Edition
KPBS Midday Edition is San Diego’s flagship public radio news program, produced by KPBS at San Diego State University. Hosted by Jade Hindman, it covers local, regional, and national issues affecting San Diego communities. Available on air at 89.5 FM and as a podcast on all major platforms.
About Dr. Dan Singley
Dr. Daniel Singley is a board-certified psychologist and founder of the Center for Men’s Excellence in San Diego, CA. He specializes in men’s mental health, paternal perinatal mental health, and the psychology of masculinity. Dr. Singley is available for media interviews, podcast appearances, and keynote speaking. Contact us here.
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