Dr. Dan Singley, founder of the Center for Men’s Excellence in San Diego, joined KPBS Midday Edition host Jade Hindman alongside CME colleague Dr. Max Maris for a 23-minute conversation on men’s mental health and romantic relationships. The interview aired during Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month and covered why men struggle in couples therapy, what healthy relationship maintenance actually looks like, and how the transition to fatherhood strains even solid partnerships.
Published: June 18, 2025 |
Source: KPBS Midday Edition |
Format: Podcast |
Duration: 23 minutes
▶ Listen to This Episode on KPBS
What Dr. Singley covers in this interview
- Why couples therapy has a men problem: No existing evidence-based couples therapy approach — not Emotionally Focused Therapy, not the Gottman Method — is explicitly designed to be male gender-sensitive. Dr. Singley argues this is a gap that drives men away from a process that could genuinely help them.
- The staggering dropout rate: Roughly 50–60% of couples drop out of couples therapy, and fewer than 40% report meaningful gains. Dr. Singley connects this directly to how long couples wait — the average gap between recognizing a relationship problem and making a therapy appointment is six years. For a cardiac problem, it’s six days.
- What “relationship hygiene” actually means: Dr. Singley and Dr. Maris describe two core buckets of relationship health — attachment and attunement (how connected partners feel) and productive conflict (the ability to disagree in ways that strengthen rather than damage the relationship). Couples who never fight, he notes, are not necessarily healthier.
- The U-curve of relationship satisfaction: Research shows relationship satisfaction typically drops through the middle years of a partnership — often bottoming out around year 12 or 25 — before rising again. Dr. Singley emphasizes this is a statistical average across millions of couples, not a destiny, and that the right relational skills can interrupt the slide.
- Gatekeeping and the dude-to-dad transition: A common early-parenting dynamic involves the mother’s anxiety leading her to correct or take over tasks the father is attempting, which Dr. Singley calls maternal gatekeeping. The result: the father disengages, the couple enters a conflict loop, and both partners end up frustrated with each other rather than supported by each other.
- Men need friendships, not just their partners: One of the most important — and least popular — recommendations Dr. Singley gives in couples work is for men to expand and deepen their friendships outside the relationship. The skills developed in male friendships directly transfer to the partnership, reducing the pressure on one relationship to meet all of a man’s emotional needs.
- Relationship Training for Men at CME: Dr. Singley described CME’s structured weekend program for couples — Day 1 with men only covering emotional regulation, communication, and conflict skills; Day 2 bringing partners in for practice. This is one of the only programs of its kind in the country.
Interested in couples therapy or relationship training?
The Center for Men’s Excellence offers couples therapy and Dr. Singley’s Relationship Training for Men program, available in-person in San Diego and via telehealth throughout California. Contact us here to get started.
About KPBS Midday Edition
KPBS Midday Edition is San Diego’s flagship public radio news program, produced by KPBS at San Diego State University. Hosted by Jade Hindman, it covers local, regional, and national issues affecting San Diego communities. It is available on air at 89.5 FM and as a podcast on all major platforms.
About Dr. Dan Singley
Dr. Daniel Singley is a board-certified psychologist and founder of the Center for Men’s Excellence in San Diego, CA. He specializes in men’s mental health, paternal perinatal mental health, and the psychology of masculinity. Dr. Singley is available for media interviews, podcast appearances, and keynote speaking. Contact us here.
Leave a Reply